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What One Thing Can Prevent the Fall of Christian Nonprofit Leaders?
Brian Kreeger 1:22 • September 8, 2021
Friendship.
In a 2016 statistical update on pastors, Churchleadership.org wrote that 58 percent of pastors stated they do not have any good, true friends. They also reported that 27 percent of pastors stated they have no one to turn to if they are facing a crisis.1
In my experience, these statistics easily convert to all forms of Christian nonprofit executives.
And really, isn’t this is a societal issue? Much of society would say they don’t have one true friend. I mean a deep, true, this-person-knows-everything kind of friend. But when it comes to pastors and Christian executives, those percentages climb.
It’s difficult for pastors to have friends in their home community. When asked, many will say their best friends are out of town, usually a friend from seminary.
My interviews and research reveal a main reason: people are generally uncomfortable affording friendship to a pastor and many Christian leaders.
(This article is the twenty-second in a series that focuses on starting a conversation centered on preventing the fall of nonprofit leaders. I write it from a Christian perspective, but all leaders will benefit. Be sure to sign up to receive these articles via email every Tuesday at
briankreeger.com.
In addition to receiving these articles two days before they hit social media, you will receive the Contents, Introduction and the Appendix (My story) of my upcoming book,
The Courageous Ask: A Proactive Approach to Prevent the Fall of Christian Nonprofit Leaders.)
A former pastor who is now the CEO of a Christian nonprofit told me, “I have five or six people locally who I speak to honestly, and pretty transparently, and each gets a part of who I am (a part of my life).” He continued, “But no one has the whole, full picture.” He said that it is a problem, but claimed that it is okay.
Is it?
When I followed up with this executive and pastor and asked them why people only get pieces, they pointed out that most of the friends they referred to are leaders themselves. This executive said that time did not permit deep friendship, since the time they typically talk is at functions or within another agenda.
That is simply not good enough in being proactive to prevent a fall, especially when a majority of leadership falls trace their origins back to loneliness and isolation.
I broached this topic with the CEO of a million-dollar Christian nonprofit and their answer was this: “The people you become closest to are your biggest funders or people engaged in the mission in some capacity.”
This creates quite the conflict when the people you are closest to are also people that can adversely affect the nonprofit if they don’t like something you do, or see you struggling as you open up to them.
It’s been said
that in order to have a friend, you need to be a friend. I ask you: aren’t pastors and Christian nonprofit executives friends to a lot of people? It doesn’t seem that the statement applies to Christian leaders since 58 percent of pastors do not have one good, true friend. Where are the reciprocal relationships they need like everyone else?
One long-term pastor I interviewed said that they “never really had a close friend, but yet I am always expected to befriend everyone.”
Another pastor I interviewed gave this example from their experience: “People we know mention they are having a Fourth of July picnic, but neglect to invite us.” They continued, “Nobody wants a preacher there because that changes the type of conversations they can have.”
That really hits the crux of it, doesn’t it?
Joe Jensen, a former pastor who now works as director of strategic partnerships and church engagement at Barna Group, says, “Your pastor is more than your church leader, he or she is also your brother or sister, a fallible human being in need of the same mercy, compassion, companionship, and encouragement as you.”2
People need people. Leaders need people. Pastors and Christian leaders need you as true friends.
It’s much easier to reach out to someone who needs you than to reach out to someone when you need them. I can assure you that Christian leaders need people to reach out to them.
Andy Vaughn wrote, “My grandparents had a ministry that basically went something like this: Get to know their pastor, and then be their friend. That’s it. They understood the drain and strain it was to constantly be ‘on.’ Always being the leader, the guide, the one with all the answers is not only tiring, but it’s also unhealthy. Pastors need friends to laugh with, to cry with, and to help counsel them along their own spiritual journey.”3
Pastors and Christian leaders have the same desire “to be human together” as anyone else does.
No matter who you are in the life of a leader outside their formal accountability structure—friend, neighbor, staff member, constituent, donor, congregant, or even casual acquaintance—you just might be the answer to someone’s hopes or prayers in the life of a leader. You may be part of the proactive approach in preventing a leadership fall and not even know it.
Many times what a floundering leader needs is an objective person who is separate from family and the accountability structure….a friend. These are the places where walls unfortunately get built in the leader’s life.
In fact, while the leader is ultimately accountable for themselves, these two groups—family and accountability structure—may even help build the wall between the Christian nonprofit executive and God.
It’s very hard for board members and family who love the leader they see falling to stop doing things like sending scripture verses and videos they think might inspire and make the difference. They want to help fix them, and for the leader to see the clear path that they see.
In the possibly deluded mind of the stumbling leader, these types of things may make them resentful toward the sender, and as a by-product that resentment may carry on to God.
This is a great example of when a person in the community might be able to make the difference in the life of a struggling leader--being a friend-- whether they are falling or not.
People reaching out to Christian leaders, putting aside any discomfort and insecurity they may have, and creating friendships just might be the key in preventing the fall of that leader.
If you are reading this series of blog articles and don’t find yourself in a position of leadership or authority, that does not mean you don’t have the opportunity to lift up executive leadership and help carry some of their burden. Have courage to do so. You could be the difference between a leader taking the wrong path of despair, or moving forward in confident hope of a better day. You may be proactive at exactly the right time and have a significant impact.
You may think you are just the average Joe Shmoe to your leader. But your genuine encouragement and action will not be average to your leader.
Muster the humility and courage to lift up leaders! They need you.
Remember what Nancy Duarte said, “Sometimes all it takes is a kind word of encouragement to get your heroes back on the right path.”
Sometimes they need a friend.
1Krejcir, “Statistics on Pastors.”
2“Do Christians Consider Their Pastors to be Friends?” Barna Group.
3Andy Vaughn, “9 Ways to Support Your Pastor,” Beliefnet, accessed April 14, 2021, https://www.beliefnet.com/faiths/christianity/articles/9-ways-to-support-your-pastor.aspx.
Be sure to sign up to receive these articles via email every Tuesday at
briankreeger.com. In addition to receiving these articles two days before they hit social media, you will receive the Contents, Introduction and the Appendix (My Story) to my upcoming book,
The Courageous Ask: A Proactive Approach to Prevent the Fall of Christian Nonprofit Leaders.
Brian@briankreeger.com
#Leadership Fall #Leadership Survival #Nonprofit Relationships #Proactive Approach #Leadership Struggles #Leadership Battles #Christian Executive Leader #Christian Leader #Courageous Ask #Friendship #Nonprofit Friendship
Executives -pastors or nonprofit executives in our context- are put on a pedestal. It’s not that the typical person necessarily believes they belong there or desires to put them there. But it is human nature that this happens. The general public often places much higher expectations on leaders than they do on themselves. Sometimes it is appropriate, and the leader has put themselves in that position. In some cases, it is simply scriptural. For instance, James 3 points out that those who teach will be judged more strictly, thereby heightening the expectations of those who lead and teach. But what about when we accept, and enact, those elevated expectations and forget the humanity of our leaders? Often a community heaps on a leader the expectation that they are to perform with the perfection of Jesus and not simply be a Jesus follower and disciple just like them, but with a unique calling and heightened responsibility. Too many times when a leader shows human imperfection, the respect we have for them is damaged. Leaders fall under strict judgment, and we forget they are no less fallible than us. The imperfection they have colors any positive experience we would have had with them otherwise. While most of us acknowledge this strict, hypocritical judgment and recognize it as not being how we want to treat our leaders, it is a difficult battle to fight in our own attitudes and minds. No matter who the leader is, they are not Jesus. But please allow me to reverently make some comparisons. (This blog focuses on starting a conversation centered on preventing the fall of nonprofit leaders. I write it from a Christian perspective, but all leaders will benefit. Be sure to sign up to receive these articles via email every Tuesday at briankreeger.com as well as taking a look at previous blog articles. In addition to receiving these articles two days before they hit social media, you will receive the article "5 Early Indicators of a Christian Nonprofit Leadership Fall" along with the Contents, Introduction and the Appendix (My story) of my book, The Courageous Ask: A Proactive Approach to Prevent the Fall of Christian Nonprofit Leaders. )
You are the community, no matter what formal role you play in a particular organization, or if you play any role at all. My blog articles typically focus on the roles the leader and the board have in preventing the fall of Christian nonprofit leaders. But I contend that the community that exists around organizational leaders and boards has a role as well. In fact, a community’s role can many times be much bigger. My next few blog articles will focus on the role of the community in preventing the fall of Christian nonprofit leaders. (This blog focuses on starting a conversation centered on preventing the fall of nonprofit leaders. I write it from a Christian perspective, but all leaders will benefit. Be sure to sign up to receive these articles via email every Tuesday at briankreeger.com as well as taking a look at previous blog articles. In addition to receiving these articles two days before they hit social media, you will receive the article "5 Early Indicators of a Christian Nonprofit Leadership Fall" along with the Contents, Introduction and the Appendix (My story) of my book, The Courageous Ask: A Proactive Approach to Prevent the Fall of Christian Nonprofit Leaders. )
